Sermon For FEBRUARY 13, 2000
Sixth Sunday after Epiphany
CHRISTIAN GOSPEL: The Greatest is Love ~ I Corinthians 13
There is an interpretation that I share at each wedding I perform. Those of you who offered me the honor of doing your service have heard these words before. I tell each couple that I share these words, not only for them, but also for myself as I think about the marriage that Cindy and I have. Also for everyone else who is in the congregation that day, who has been married, is married, or is thinking about getting married. They are things that are important for us to consider:
We have been taught that love and marriage go together but the word “love” can be used in many different ways. So this day as we renew marriage vows I’d like to share some thoughts about the kind of love that marriage requires.
Love in marriage includes romance and excitement. It is easy to recognize that at the time of the time of a wedding, but as people return to their jobs and fall back into their daily routines, it is easy for that sense of excitement to slip away. I urge you to maintain that element and revive it if it ever grows dim.
Love in marriage includes openness, a willingness to speak honestly and to listen carefully to the other person. Most of us are tempted to hide our deepest feelings and ideas from one another, even in marriage, especially if we think the other person might not understand or agree. How can we begin to understand one another unless we share ourselves? I urge you to speak honestly and to listen carefully to each other. It sounds simple, yet it is very important.
Love in marriage includes loyalty and faithfulness to one another. As you make your very sacred promises to each other today you will be promising to stand together for the rest of your lives, no matter what happens. If your mutual commitment is really solid, then you will be free. You will be free to be yourselves. You won’t have to worry that something you say or something you do will threaten your relationship. Your decision to stand together is at the very heart of love in marriage.
Love in marriage includes acceptance and forgiveness when we fail one another or fall short of the others hopes. If you are really close in your marriage there will be times of friction, of irritation and disagreement. Those times can destroy a marriage, but not when the partners are accepting and forgiving of one another. I’m convinced that when forgiveness is present those difficult times can actually strengthen your marriage. The experience of mutual forgiveness is a very powerful bond between two people. I urge you to discover in your marriage, your own personal style of acceptance and forgiveness.
Yes, for all who are married, openness, loyalty, forgiveness and even romance are at the very heart of any creative and lasting marriage. I express the hopes of all of us here, friends and relatives, that you will continue to find much peace and joy and love in your life together. As a representative of the Christian church I affirm that God is present in your relationship and in the midst of this celebration. I urge you to open your lives to God and to God’s love, even as you open your lives to one another and express love together.
Well, certainly marriage is not necessarily the experience that all of us hoped when we took our vows. We do experience ups and downs. Marriage is probably one of the toughest jobs that most of us will undertake. Scott Peck says in his book The Road Less Traveled, that if you are able to have a successful marriage, you have already accomplished more than most people will in their lifetime. That is a powerful statement. Maintaining a relationship, keeping together through all the goods and bads, ups and downs of life, is no small feat. For all of you who have been able to persevere, you have something to be pleased about. For those who have had a different experience, you may feel the pain and guilt of divorce. When a marriage is too difficult, sometimes the most loving thing to do is to end the relationship. That doesn’t take away from our need to recognizing the love that two people share when they come together. That love is a very valuable thing.
We often talk about love in an idealized form. There are many that would say the idealized form is a myth that people should disregard. It only sets people up for unrealistic expectations. But I want to share a passage from the book The Living by Annie Dillard. It is about the settlement of Bellingham, to the north. There is a couple that has been married for eight years, Clare, the husband, and June, the wife. Clare has been thinking a lot about marriage. He knew that it has often been idealized, that people make fun of that ideal:
Clare had recently arrived at this notion, then, that the ideal alone is real, and contempt is misunderstanding, and indifference is mental failure.
Clare knew that the common wisdom counseled that love was a malady that blinded lover’s eyes like acid. Love’s skewed sight made hard features appear harmonious and sinners appear saints, and cowards appear heroes. Clare was by no means an original thinker, but on this one point he had reached an opposing view, that lovers alone see what is real. The fear and envy and pride that stain souls, are phantoms. The lover does not fancy that the beloved possesses imaginary virtues. He knew June was not especially generous, not especially noble in deportment, not especially tolerant, patient or self-abasing. The lover is simply enabled to see - as if the heavens busted open to admit a charged light - those virtues that the beloved does possess in their purest form. June was a marvel. She smelled good…
What could other people know of June’s courage in loss, her upwelling hopefulness, her defiant will, her quick, startling wit that made play of even ardent moments?
What Clare is saying is at the heart of marriage for us as Christians. Marriage, with all of the pain and difficulty, is also for us the fullest experience that many of us have of God’s love. In a marriage in which the couples are able to grow and accept each other over the years, there is an unconditional love that is freely given. We love each other not because the husband is perfect or our wife is without flaw, but we love each other and stay together because we have accepted him and her with all of their short comings and all of their idiosyncrasies. We share with them the love that God has given us to share. A love that is unconditional. A love that is never ending. So with the help of God’s Spirit we maintain that love in our relationship. That is not to say that many of us often move outside of that unconditional love, feel separated and alienated, uncared for. But at the best moments of relationships, at the best moments of our marriage, God’s love shines through for us in the face of our husband or our wife. That is something to celebrate. That is something to give thanks for. And we do this day. Amen.