Sermon For March 5, 2000
Last Sunday after Epiphany
CHRISTIAN TESTAMENT: You Should Become Fools ~ I Corinthians 3:18-23
When you think that you are wise, you are not. Any time that people warn me about getting a swelled head about this or that, I say, “Not to worry! I’m married.” You never have to worry about taking yourself too seriously if you have someone to remind you about all the things about your life that are less than perfect. Now, when we were planning Holy Humor Sunday it occurred to me that a couple of weeks ago when we gathered together for the Wedding Reunion, we didn’t tell the whole story. It is true that when you consider a long time relationship, a marriage or a friendship, there are wonderful things to celebrate. Love grows and deepens over time. And in that love we can get a glimpse of God. But there are other things, like the humbling experiences of trying to relate to a person day after day. Often when we are commiserating about the world, Cindy and I sit and remember the words that both of our mothers taught us, “Everybody is crazy except me and thee, and sometimes I wonder about thee.” Marriage isn’t the only place where we learn life lessons. But it is the primary relationship training ground for many of us.
I’m going to take a cue from our preacher at the Women’s Service last week. I’ve gathered together these stories from different sources. In order to preserve the innocence and anonymity of some, I’m going to move from location to location to suggest the different voices. OK?
I was called on to go to meet at a nursing home with an older gentleman who wanted me to perform his marriage. I said, “First, I’ve got a few questions. Do you love her?” He said, “No.” And I continued, “Well, do you share some things in common?” “No.” “Do you enjoy spending time together?” “No.” “So, why do you want to marry her?” He said, “Because she drives at night.”
Another couple came in. They also wanted to get married. In keeping with the new stricter rules about covenant marriages, I had to ask them the question, “Are you going to marry this woman of your own free will?” I put the piece of paper in front of him and I said, “You have got to sign your name. Check it off and sign your name. Are you are going to marry this woman of your own free will?” And the groom looked down and he looked up again and the bride said, “Mark ‘yes’ right here!”
I was there in the doctor’s office. I hadn’t been feeling very good. I went in and the doctor said to my wife, “I don’t like the way your husband looks.” My wife said, “I don’t either, but he’s been a real good father.”
I was in the garden, and I was lonely. I said, “God I’m lonely. I need somebody to talk to. You’re not always around. And the animals, they’re not much.” So God says, “I’ve got a plan for you. I will make you a woman, a wife. And she’ll cook your meals for you. She’ll take care of you when you are not feeling well. When we invent clothes, she’ll wash and fold and iron them for you. She’ll just be everything you ever hoped for!” I said to God, “Sounds great, what’s this going to cost me?” The Creator said, “Well, an arm and a leg.” I said, “What can I get for a rib?”
I was talking with my wife and she kept on saying, “No, you are wrong. That’s not the way it was.” I said to her, “If a man was talking in the forest and there was no woman there to hear him, would he still be wrong?” She said, “That’s not a joke!”
It’s been fifty-eleven years that we’ve spent time together. I listen to everything that she tells me. But then the Baptists made their statement, wives obeying their husbands, and I decided right then. Ginger Snaps or no Ginger Snaps, I was going to find me a Baptist Church.
My wife and I always have this contest at bedtime. We try to sneak off to bed by ourselves, without the other person knowing. So we whisper, “Good night.” While the other is watching TV, playing a game, reading a magazine, doing the dishes, out in the garage, whatever. Sneak off to bed because the one who gets to bed first gets to fall asleep first. And the other one gets the Snore Serenade the whole rest of the night.
I know it was my wife. You might think that it was your wife, but I know it was my wife who put that plaque up in the lounge. “Why of course men work harder. Women do it right the first time.”
We both do some of the cleaning. But it is like we have two different sets of eyes, two different brains, two different definitions of what cleaning is. You see, I go into a room and I pick up the big things. Pick up the newspapers. Pick up the shoes. Pick up the clothes. Pick up the dirty dishes. Pick up the candy wrappers. Pick up this, pick up that. When I get done it looks picked up, clean to me. When she cleans, she goes in and gets the little ol’ bitsy pieces of dirt. All day long, little ol’ bitsy pieces of dirt. The pile of towels might still be there. And the books might be there, and the CD’s and the games. But the itsy bitsy pieces of dirt are gone, the place is safe from germs. She cleaned and I cleaned, but the rooms look entirely different when we’re done.
Did you hear on the radio about that warehouse in Yakima where all those missing socks are stored? When my socks come back lonely, sometimes I put them in the cupboard and wait for their partners to show up. But if I wait too long, I take the ones I have and throw them back in the wash again, hoping maybe they will find their friend the second time through.
You know, before they allow anybody to get married they should run thermostat tests. Here I am sitting in the corner with my long underwear on, my thermal jacket, my down booties, and she’s prancing around in her tank top and her shorts. It doesn’t seem right.
(Sigh) I really like antiques. I like to go and discover things. While we were traveling together we came to an antique store that had an old barn out back. We went and looked at what they had for sale. There was this piece of furniture. Well, it was in two pieces. One here and one there. But they fit together, I could tell. One on top of the other. Tongue and grooved, a little bit of dirt, a little bit of straw. I said, “That is a gorgeous hutch!” She said, “That is a piece of junk.”
Well, these stories point out that we are not all the same. And it seems that if God has a sense of humor, that God’s best humor was saved for those people who choose to get married. Most of us, I have observed, find somebody as different from ourselves as we can; maybe it’s instinct. So we learn from each other. That learning process is sometimes fun, and sometimes painful. But we learn from each other and grow together. God doesn’t call on us to be without flaw. God doesn’t call on us to know everything, to be wise in the ways of the world. God calls on us to be fools for Christ, to be foolish for love and acceptance and hope and justice. And a good training ground for all of this, for many people, is a marriage. In that relationship with a spouse, we learn that we don’t have all the answers. We learn that our way isn’t the only way. We learn that God’s love can come to us in unexpected ways. In all of this, if we have a successful relationship, we have to be fools. We have to learn to laugh at ourselves, to not take ourselves too seriously, to be willing to learn something new. And so this day, as we are fools for Christ, we give thanks for those who invite us to be fools in their life. Thanks be to God. Amen.